How to be posh on your period (Advice I wish someone told me)

Periods?! Yuck! We don’t like to talk about that. We’d rather talk about anything but that. Yet across America girls of all ages started school this month, and many of those girls will also start something else—something even less exciting than geometry class.

I don’t remember when I got my lovely, monthly gift, but most girls start their menstrual cycle between 10 to 15 years old. And unless we have the uterus removed, this cycle stays with us until we’re 45 – 55 years old. Now that’s a committed relationship!

I’m not going to go into the science behind the menstrual cycle, rather, I’d like to focus on how us women—I’m going to assume no guy would ever willingly read this article—can best survive it as a dapper dame.

RULE #1: Have an optimistic mindset

It won’t last forever

I take pride in being the resident pessimist, but every now and then (once a month) I actively try to look on the bright side. When the cycle starts some days feel like death. Some days feel survivable. Instead of getting discouraged, remember it’s only 5 to 7 days and then the body will be purring like a kitten instead of a velociraptor trying to claw its way out.

Accidents will happen

Don’t hold yourself to perfection, especially if you have a super irregular cycle. There’s going to be spotting, ruined underwear, and embarrassing treks down the hall. Before I knew how to recognize when the time was close, I would start and not even realize it. One day during my Freshman year of high school I wore snazzy, white cargo pants to school, and guess what started halfway through the day…

Thankfully, I had a messenger bag that covered me, so I was able to escape to the restroom unseen. Still, I couldn’t have chosen worse pants to wear that day. Which leads to the next rule.

RULE #2: Be prepared

Watch for signs

With super unpredictable periods, it’s hard to know when it’s time. But now I watch for some clues. When little things upset me more than usual and I become hyper-aware of the opposite sex, I know it’s almost time and I check my period kit to make sure I have enough tampons and pads and a heating pad nearby.

Carry a kit

Always always ALWAYS have a period kit with you. Even if you know you don’t need it, someone around you might have an emergency. The period kit doesn’t have to be big—just a few items can help until you get home and can really “get the house” in order.

My kit contains: 2 overnight pads (large, colorful things in the back), daily liners, tampons, and Advil liqui-gels minis (inside).

And your kit doesn’t have to be obvious. I turned a small cellphone pouch into my feminine product carrier, so now it blends in and is easy to tote around.

Or at least it would blend in, but now I keep my overnight pads in the outer-pocket because I’m not embarrassed of my womanhood-gift anymore.

And maybe one day you won’t be embarrassed either, but start where you’re comfortable. Whether that’s trying to be incognito or milking it to get chocolate and a 5-foot bubble of personal space is up to you.

If you forget your period kit and start at school, don’t freak, just ask a friend for some “feminine products” or head to the nurse’s office. The nurse will have products you can use or get a hold of your parents for you.

But even if you keep your kit with you at all times, chances are that one day your clothes will get stained. When that happens DON’T use WARM water to wash them out. Rinse them in cold water then wash on a regular cycle in the machine.

Whether or not the pants return to normal depends on the fabric and the age/size of the stain. I have no hope for stained underwear becoming cute again, so my best advice is to not wear ones you really like when you’re close to starting your period.

RULE #3: Give your body what it needs

Call out cravings

Our body does some pretty weird stuff during the menstrual cycle, including demanding strange foods in absurd quantities. We may crave pickles and ice cream, cry, jump from flirtatious to distraught, and want to eat everything in our kitchen as well as the neighbor’s. A posh lady learns to recognize a craving—which may help her know if she’s close to starting—and actual hunger.

Track your cycle

When it comes to knowing when the time is close, it really is a good idea to keep track of your start and stop dates. You don’t have to make an obvious announcement on your calendar. It can be as simple as a pink highlight. Think of it as a coded message to yourself. (I like to highlight the date number.) If you keep a good record of your cycle you’ll be grateful when you’re trying to decide what to wear next month!

Update: I started using an app called “clue” to track my period. They have free and paid versions.

Pack your pills

I’m also grateful for pain pills! For me, Advil liqui-gels work as well as the expensive menstrual-specific medications.

Although medication is wonderful, it’s easy to overdo and sometimes it doesn’t work. For really bad periods find a heating pad, stay in bed, and watch a cheesy movie. To put it simply, keeping the lower abs warm helps the uterus shed the stuff it’s trying to get rid of, so it doesn’t have to “punch” as hard.

Exercise even though you don’t want to

While our insides are fighting to become our outsides, exercise is the last thing we want to do. But it actually is helpful to do some light, movement-focused activities.

“…stretching, yoga, walking or swimming help increase blood flow, which cuts down on cramping.”

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Dancing around your room probably counts.

When I was overweight my period was even more irregular than its usual irregular. Then when I lost 20 pounds, it became lighter and more predictable. (Is that TMI? Eh, you’ve made it this far so you’re probably used to it.) Yet another reason to stick to an exercise routine!

Forgive your face

As if menstrual shedding wasn’t enough to deal with, our faces often start to break out while on our periods. Although there’s no 100% cure for acne besides age (sorry), the best product I’ve found is Lancôme’s Tonique Confort tonor.

Almost every night I dab this stuff on a cotton square and swish over my problem areas: neck, chin, and cheeks (because I rest my face on my hands so much). Tonique Confort helps shrink the zits, and because it doesn’t dry out my skin, it also helps the skin heal. I love this stuff, and I buy it every time it’s available on Zulily.

In summary…

• Don’t let emotions keep you down.
• Stay hydrated (this is a good rule to follow in general).
• Get your kit together.
• Clean clothes with cold water.
• Hug a heating pad.
• Be a good tracker.
• Dance like no one is watching.
• Be nice to your face.
• Enjoy the chocolate and chick-flicks.

Once a month we have an excuse to be sensitive and hangry. So the next time an un-empathetic guy teases, “Are you on your period,” you can confidently answer, “Yeah. So what? Pass the candy and kleenex because I’m gonna watch Penelope again.”

What secret techniques have you come up with to be “posh” on your period?

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To read more on this topic check out https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/period-school.html